空灵 emptiness and spirituality

Beauty is short-live

2006-12-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

Recently, a group of mep and history students from my college went on an education trip to the United Kingdom. I came across some of their blog entries reflecting on the trip and essentially most of them expressed their wish to live in the uk. A preferance to life in singapore and extolling how almost everything in the uk is better than singapore. Surprisingly, I felt a pang of uneasiness as I read their entries, lamenting the lost of people who appreciate and love their country. And for that, this is what I have to say to them...

It is not about how beautiful the landscape of a place is. It is about the how beautiful human relationships could be, should be and ought to be. Unfortunately, selfishness, greed, individualism, cronic malfunction of sensitivity lead to the deterioration of what ought to be beautiful. Beauty is nothing but a vain request; so do not favour a country because it is blessed with scenic landscapes. Comparisons are invalid because wherever you go, everyone and everything will eventually not turn out to be as beautiful as you think it is. I have been to the united kingdom, been to london, been to cambridge. I do admit that that it looks splendid but I do not belong there. I was not raised there and my identity will never stem from there. Appreciate the country you were raised in and the culture that you possess. Seek for that culture if you feel there is none. Let me remind you about a harsh fact. You were not "living" in London, UK. You were merely a visitor. There are no worries because you have no responsibilities. Your actions will not affect your livelihood. As a result, days spent there are careless and free. You thought that this is what you want and where you wish to be. A place filled with total bliss but wait until you are to commit your life to this new country, the situation will inevitably change. Sometimes, trips are a source of delusion. It is time to wake up and acknowledge that you will never really belong there. Take care my child for life is an endless struggle for moments of joy, elation and happiness. Do not be deceived...

2006-06-10T19:14:00.000+08:00

Pre-U Seminar 2006

Discovery!!!

2006-06-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

Everyone is feeling the after-effects of pre-u seminar. The pure elation of discovering wonderful people. The amazing time one experienced as a group, doing wacky things. Never had I stayed up till 5am playing charades and "polar bear". Haha...I guess I'll never do that again because this leads to the effect of sleeping 12 hours the next day. For the glamour that pre-u seminar is meant to hold (meeting ministers, panel discussions with important people in society), it is less significant and impactful than the friendship forged between people who were once total strangers. No one identified each other as the girl from tp or the boy from vj. We knew we were part of GFC 59 and SG 30...that was it. This was our identity.
It was through this seminar that I experienced the diversity of life. The vivid array of personalities and how blissful it was to be around these people. I don't get that in school and it makes it such a sad affair. More poignantly, it leaves me utterly confused as to why everyday life seem monotonous. In every aspect of life, we are often surrounded by people so why do you only meet the right people in special events? Probably, the drugdgery of school life explains it???

2005-12-30T19:47:00.000+08:00

Wallace and Gromit 2

2005-12-30T19:45:00.000+08:00

Wallace and Gromit

"My Dolly that is Fading"... a year on.

2005-12-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

I recalled my inaugural posting of a picture of my "dolly" and it was entitled "my dolly that is fading". Based on the comments, the title seemed rather shocking to some; and now a thought simply struck me as to why I used the word fading. (This is the key word that I believe drew "controversy".) Even though my "dolly" can never fade away and turn into a wisp of air but the thinning of the cloth that represents her face represents the gradual lost of who she is. Her features are no longer stark. Her nose and mouth cannot be seen and her once deep blue eyes and black hair are losing the strong tones of colour. Soon, her face would just be constituted by the background of cotton. Yes, you can now see through her. So, as my dolly's face is really fading, her identity is lost too. A person without a face, is a person without an identity. People know us by our appearance and name, these are factors that distinguishes the physical aspects of a being. Therefore, a face gives us a form of existence, we are not merely shadows. Think about the numerous mental images formed within our minds as we transcends through the realms of imaginations. How our minds cast imaginary adventures and events, how it is part of our reflective thoughts. Very often, images are formed and we can see ourselves in these thoughts. Without a face, we are not representative. This explains my point that the actual fading of dolly's face would mean I can no longer recognize her by her features. Gosh, I must sound psychotic! Portraying my doll like an actual living thing! However, when the toys mean something to you, you do treat them as equals... don't you? Maybe not for you but I certainly do. They are my companions through the lonely times. They never antagonize you as they always looking perfectly happy with their fixed grins. Ah... at least you can expect no malice from them. Even though "my dolly is fading", there will always be a sort of spiritual connection that makes me remember her as my good old doll.

2005-11-27T13:11:00.000+08:00

Please help me forget.

2005-11-25T23:53:00.000+08:00

The graduation dinner marks the end of my years in cgs and I can guarantee that I will never feel a tinge of nostalgia. There are no significant people that I wish to remember for life but I will always remember the torment experienced. A sense of elation feels me as cgs is no longer a part of my future. It now belongs to the ashes of the past, existing only as a fleeting memory. The decision to recollect or abandon this memory is in my hands.

Hip hip hooray! No more angelina, no more inefficient choir teacher ic and most importantly no more mannish woman! Even though the stigma of d.g. will always lurk in my deepest memories. However, my exasperation with her drives me to try and scale greater heights in order to prove her inadequacy. To my horror, she sponsored a lucky draw gift (during the grad dinner), her existence must never be made known, she is not worthy of any recognition! She insulted my dignity and self-esteem and sadly for her, I am not a person who forgives and forgets easily. Never inccur my wrath!

I want to move on, it is time to forgo yellow and turquoise, I want a more comprehensive experience that cgs has never provided. I do not want to be in an environment where merits are honoured before hard work is recognized.

Lastly, grad dinner (maybe better known as prom) is an extravagant display of vanity which is extremely impractical and frivolous! Money could have been spent on something more worthy and meaningful instead of trying to battle with one another for the best dress. Anyway, I refused to wear a dress or skirt as I never felt comfortable in those. Also, why must girls wear skirts? Why do we have to succumb to such a generalisation? Feminism can be well displayed by wearing pants as well! The feeling of going against the norm is so satisfying even though I exist as the minority wearing pants. As long as it exudes my personality, why should I care what others think? They can go be their little princesses but I am in the least bit interested!

2005-11-23T00:14:00.000+08:00

Who are we but a manipulation of external circumstances. Who mould our character and destiny? The people around us. Indeed, do we have much power in life? What do we seek at the end of every battle? To please ourselves in order to avenge an anger? The righteous are always wronged, the good always harmed, is the fight worth it? How long will it be, how long will it last? Just like the plants that go through a phase of dormancy, it could last for a month, a few years or even tens of thousands of years but can one survive in the end?

To Sir With Love

2005-11-21T11:18:00.000+08:00

Soon I will be choosing the jc of my choice for the first three months, and as I start to contemplate the most suitable institution for me I realize how easily we can be affected by others' opinions. To be frank, hcjc has never been MY choice. It is those around me who feels that this should be where I should go to. They expect me to. Over the years, I always envisioned hcjc to be the one but not until now I realize that is very very wrong. I don't want to, most importantly I don't want to meet their expectations. I am not obligated to please them! I have to admit that it is a fine and reputable school but everyone can excel anywhere else too! Being a hwachongian does not credit you a guaranteed success in future. It depends on how well you make use of the education opportunities offered to you by the school. Therefore, even if I can I will NOT go to hcjc. I just hate to follow a path that others envision I'll head. I don't like them to be judgemental and treat me like a specie for comparison. I want to shock those who denounce me as an invalid, incapable of anything great, I want to go down a path that is uncomprehensive to them thus showcasing their ignorance. I don't want them to know who I am, they never tried to understand me anyway. I will continue to defy them and unleash myself from their protoype. One day I will make sure they see the "BIG" me and not the small character that stands at 156cm. I may be short but I have the vehemance to rip you like a lion at its prey!

Water Paranoid

2005-10-03T15:25:00.000+08:00

I think I have been very disturbed by the fact that most JCs have swimming during PE lessons. My refusal and fear in having to go through swimming again next year is largely due to my fear of water. Before I go into the reasons for my fear, I have to tell you about this odd dream I had.

Apparently, I was having swimming lessons but we were in this murky "lagoon", not the blue chlorine filled public pools. As though the instructor has read through my mind, he told me to walk along the circumference of the pool. To reassure me that the circumference is very shallow and I will definitely be above the surface of water if I stood up. Reluctant I was, but glad to find that it was indeed shallow! Then I was asked to swim the "frog's style". And for breathing you will have to bob your head up and into the water. However, my courage waned and I did not dare to put my head under water. Thus, I gamely asked the instructor if I could just keep my head constantly above the surface of water. Although in reality that is not possible but he said "SURE!". It was real odd but I just couldn't remain afloat and swim so I ended up walking, pause, then attempted to swim again. The whole event was simply riddiculous, but my dreams never brought me to the end. I guess I will still not have mastered swimming.

I have tried to will myself to learn to swim. During secondary 1 we had compulsory swimming lessons for non-swimmers and I was so determined to make things work. To no avail, I never got over my fear. I just manage to scrape through a pass but I during that beginners' test, my body was initially horizontally afloat on the water surface but soon it started to become a constant decreasing line graph. (If you know what I mean?) Towards the end, I was almost vertical! Anyway I didn't even manage to finish the breadth of the pool. But it wasn't necessary for the most basic beginners' cert.

I guess I have this illusion of falling into the unknown whenever I have to put my head under water while floating horizontally. Moreover, the deeper the pool, the more insecure I feel. I feel extremely vunlerable as there is nothing to grap hold of in the water. Gravity in water fail to hold me in place, it just brings "death" closer (because you risk drowning). Moreover, while in water, you know you cannot survive in it for a long period of time. The knowledge that air is around you but you are just trapped in water is a horrible feeling. I don't care for the feeling of lightness when floating in water. I rather feel the solid ground under my feet. The psychological barrier is extremely disturbing and hard to break, so I can never make the first step if I can't get past my mind.

Sadly, babies have the natural ability to swim since they have being surrounded by the amniotic fluid in their mother's womb. However, they loose this ability once they grow up. It seems as though we are losing a lot of the characteristics we possess as a child. The innocence, the purity and the simplicity. In the end we just become grudging and depressive people, losing our focus in life, trying to find some humanity in this harsh world.

2005-10-01T17:22:00.000+08:00

A new beginning? I don't know what drove me to revive this blog but I guess there are just specific times when you feel like sharing. Anyway, I think I'm mostly sharing with myself. Maybe it has been to painful to read about myself? All I can say is nothing has really changed from my previous entry in december 2004 till now. Apart from feeling that my nerves are at the brink of snapping, I guess nothing has made me feel like a burst of sun rays. The future seem so bleak and all those aspirations seem so futile. I know the direction I want to head towards but some unknown force just seem to be thrashing me into a big black bin. Urm...the bin is just a dark, big and lonely space.

2005-10-01T17:15:00.000+08:00

"She recalled that when her younger self stood on this same beach for the first time, she had thought the sand looked like a gigantic writing surface. The slate was clean, inviting, open to possibilities. And at that moment of her life, she had a new determination, a fierce hope."

Amy Tan---The Bonesetter's Daughter

2004-12-15T20:01:00.000+08:00

The feeling of an extreme day of working is terribly exhausting but satisfying. It makes life more purposeful instead of feeling airy-headed all day long. Rehearsals with the youth choir ended at about 10 plus yesterday, prior to that, I had choir in school from 8.30am. It has been a whole week plus of singing and more music learning but it sure beats staying at home and feeling the need to do some studying. However, it seem rather pointless to review those topics again and again because it would end up as a memory work followed by regurgitations. It is more important to have a good grounding on what we have learnt instead of trying to redo the whole process. Alright, let me refocus to the main topic of this blog. I'm currently in the midpoint of the events that have passed these few weeks. Tomorrow would be the performance at the esplanade concert hall which features the organ, violin and choir. There are only 6 of us from the school choir and we are in collabaration with the youth choir. This opportunity is to allow us to gain some useful experiences while working with a professional choir.

As I was standing on stage while we were having our rehearsals, I felt this tremendous sensation filling me up. It was not the grandeur of the concert hall or the "once in a life time feeling" that caused it BUT a feeling of being withdrawn. All of a sudden, I felt extremely small while being surrounded by adults. And I think, age gap truly exists. It is hard to deny that it is never easy to jitter around a group of people who are at least 8 years older than you. While they were all doing their own vocal warm-ups, I was overwhelmed with awkwardness. Even though, I have to lead the vocal and physical warm-ups in school (during choir). I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy in my attempt to vocalise. It is when I was "on my own" that I felt really silly and ignorant. It just struck me that I still had to build up the layers of thickness of my skin. Maybe, I only had 3 practices with the youth choir so the strangers put me off? Anyway, I felt rather incompetant then and was hoping my conductor would start giving instructions to tell us what to do. I prefer uniformity as it doesn't easily identify you from the rest of the group. Kind of a camouflage. I realise that this signifies my dependency on others but maybe if I had more time to know about the people in the youth choir, I am very sure the situation would be very different.

It seems to be our instinct to retreat back to our own little bubble where we are trapped within our own thoughts as we view the world from the bubble's "membrane". Once, we gain self-confidence, we (or maybe only I) would happily break the membrane and infuse into that world.

Something out of context...
I've also realized that it doesn't exhilarate me even though we would be singing at the esplanade, location doesn't really matter. Getting all jitty just because it is the esplanade is really unprofessional. There are finer things to appreciate. Nothing really to brag about. If you are a good singer, the venue with the worst acoustics would be a challenge and ultimately if you succeed, a triumph to you. Where you perform should not lead to a generalisation of the quality of the performing arts group. It doesn't do justice to the performers who worked hard. People tend to associate your choir (for e.g.) to be of outstanding quality if you perform at the esplanade. Yes, I know it is true to a certain extent but can we give everyone a chance and stop stereotyping!

It is a depressing world.

2004-12-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

Made something that looked like chocolate pudding today. But it was just "milo jelly". It looked extremely pretty, the taste was wonderful if only I had added more condensed milk to up the sweetness. Hmm... might try it again. It is very simple to make, takes less than an hour. Here it goes...

Add approximately 300ml of water (I poured some off though) so maybe 250? into a pot
Add 3 tbspoons of milo (unless you have cocoa)
Stir well and bring it to a boil
Add 1/2 packet of agar agar (I strongly discourage konnyaku jelly which I used) and stir till it dissolves.
If the mixture turns very lumpy just add some more water. But with careful estimation
Once agar powder dissolves, add condensed milk (do your own gauge in the amt) to sweetnen (I used this as an alternative instead of evaporated milk adn vanilla essence)
Stir well, try to ensure minimal coagulation by stirring well.
Once ready, turn off the flame and let it cool before pouring it into a mould.
Place it in the refrigerator to solidify and the only thing you can do next is to wait for the results.

Tip: To ensure there are no lumpy bits in your jelly, pour the mixture into a sift and allow the mixture to drain into the mould. Since only fine liquid can pass through, you can be assured of zero coagulated bits.

Reasons why I discourage konnyaku jelly:

The jelly turns out hard, not soft and wobbly.
It has a funny bland taste. (due to what is was made from) That is why the chocolatey milo taste cannot cover-up the very strong bland taste.

Adventure to the less trodden path

2004-11-25T20:16:00.000+08:00

A delightful day it has been even though I had to trudge through a heavy rain. Ended up rather soaked even though I had an umbrella. I was with s-a in search of something to add on to the choir uniform. We were thinking of a scarf to spice it up. Anyway, we decided to go to Mustafa, thinking that they might sell bundles of cloth since saris could be tailored. Also, Mustafa mainly caters for the indian community. Alright, what fascinated me was something of a rare sight. I saw an ultra orthodox jew, otherwise known as haredim. He was donning on a black hat and had long peyot. Peyot(sidelocks) are grown by ultra-orthodox jewish men down to joints of the jaw that are opposite the ear. The Torah suggests that peyot form a symbolic seperation between the front part of the brain and the rear part. The front part is the intellectual, the rear part is the more physical, the more sensual. The wearer of the peyot is thus making a statement that he is aware of both facets of his mind, and intends to keep them to their appointed task. (the explanation of the peyot has been extracted from a website)
We seldom see them on the streets and it is always great to recgonise the presence of diversity. Reading and knowing about the jews has always been an interest. Probably, it is because of their centuries of struggle that makes them a very delicate issue.
Hmm...the trip was also rather enjoyable as we were trying to decipher which way to go from Farrer Park mrt station. I brought a map along (just in case we were lost) which can in handy and it is always good to practice some map-reading skills. We always have to learn some dependency skills. However, we didn't find any cloth in Mustafa and ended going to chinatown and found a really good deal.
Oh...mustafa also reminded me of harrods because both departmental stores were very weary of haversacks. Harrods required us to hold our bags in the hand in case we break anything and mustafa required us to lock our bags with a plastic thing (which they provided) in case we steal anything? But I do understand their precaution because they have two levels filled with golds and jewelleries. I have never seen such a great variety of sparkling golds. Oh and their supermarket also sells lots of different brands of milk. Wonder why?
Haha... it sure beats going to town, where the surrounding has become such a familiarity. A hip and chic urban centre? No thanks, I prefer a taste of discovery!

2004-11-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

Feeling rather airy headed now... rather disappointed at how certain things are heading. A certain sense of desperation? Feel like secluding oneself from all the responsiblities but that is irresponsible and selfish. Ah!!! utterly vexing. Or am I just allowing myself to get tangled up in this web of mess? Why does situations always get so awkward and difficult? Why??? They always have to go through some sort of tide before settling down...
Epilogue: Once again, it is I who have to face the music...

2004-11-20T20:52:00.000+08:00

Do we realise that certain words or expressions can punctuate one very badly?
Certainly being called "crazy" when you are completely sane (maybe for now) is totally rude. It is the tone that differentiates between an insult and a pure joke. However, it is hurtful.
Therefore, do practice caution instead of recklessly shooting out words that may be potentially damaging...
(To that inconsiderate person: I am not crazy just because my views clashes with yours.) You have only made me sink into more self-doubts while you might have already forgotten about whatever you said. That is not being responsible to others feelings which is extremely selfish.

3 women who made me felt so much more matured than them

2004-11-18T14:11:00.000+08:00

Having lunch with a couple of friends at a food court yesterday brought me face to face to sluttish behaviours of 3 women whom we have all deemed as totally ignorant. We were looking for an empty table when we came across one that had a packet of tissue paper on it. Feeling skeptical about that packet we decided to shrug it off and treat it as a rubbish left behind by the previous patron. We placed the an empty tray on the chair and that packet of tissue paper on the neighbouring table for it to be cleared. (However, at the end of everything thing we were debating among ourselves that we should have thrown that worthless packet of tissue away!) Anyway, back to the story. We left to purchase our food while one remained behind look after our places. Then, the 3 main protagonist of the story came along and looked in disgust at their poor packet of tissue being shoved to another table. Apparently they have used the packet of tissue (need I remind you how pathetic that is) to reserve the table! However, the worst thing was in a sluttish behaviour they proclaimed in a loud boisterous tone (on purpose) that "someone" had simply just thrown their tissue paper around. They were simply projecting us as rude "little girls". But who would have thought a packet of tissue paper could be worth so much as to proclaim that the table has been taken up??? My poor friend who was all alone politely apologised and offered the seat back to them but they haughtishly said "No." and gave a look of contempt. How we wish we could dig their eyes out! However, that is not the end. We did not expect them to be so petty as they left but not without giving all of us a glare. Foolish women, who only disgrace themselves with such a lowly act. How uncivilized! Their primary mistake was to use a packet of tissue to signify reservation which is riddiculous. They should have used a physical object such as a human which cannot be removed with a flick of our fingers! Moreover, there are 3 of them, how difficult can it be to leave behind one? Moreover, why do they have to be so pretentious? If they are unhappy why can't they tell us face to face? Instead of gossiping behind the back of others and worst still, speaking in a deliberate loud projection. (We are just sitting beside all of you, madams. We are not deaf!) Leave something more valuable you silly women. Hmph! They must be thinking we are some rowdy teenagers that have no manners. How ironic it is because they are the ones who show no manners, displaying such pettish behaviours. On the other hand, we were trying very hard to keep our mouths shut and enjoy our meal. Such kiasuism is a disgrace because it doesn't reflect good on them at all. Why are they so immature and where are their brains? Ha! This simply shows that civics and moral education lesson in school need to be seriously revamped. It doesn't seem to inculcate any good values in these 3 "musketeers". May they meet their match one day! Brawling away as though they are ready for a cat-fight. Downright disgraceful, only an insult to yourselves women!

2004-11-12T21:04:00.000+08:00

2004-11-12T20:30:00.000+08:00

Hello! I am back from a period of dry harvest but I seemly turn wordless whenever I attempt to type an entry. Many thoughts but momentarily freezed when I sat down to type. Oh well, it is none the better now. However, I have many pretty exciting and interesting "announcements" to make, events that have got me rather hyper!? Alright, firstly I have registered myself for some cello lessons at a music school and I would say it is an envision that has finally come true! Yay! I always wanted to get a feel of the strings, having rather enough of the piano. Or maybe it is simply me who's not able to perfect the piano despite being at grade 6? Anyway, I am serious about the cello and am very glad I could take it without having to go through examinations. Examinations just impede your learning process as it always gets too exam focused. Just like in school. Furthermore, the stress level will not be so high. Haha... Secondly, my choir conductor has invited eight of us from the choir to sing alongside with the syc (singapore youth choir) during their concert--- SYC Pedals and Pipes project at the esplanade concert hall. What an opportunity! Moreover, we are singing with a violin and pipe organ as accompaniments. Pipe organs sound magnificent. However, it does feel queer to sing with an international acclaim ensemble. But for the experience and fun, let's go for it! Even though I have to admit that I would feel extremely inferior. This inferiority complex always hit me no matter how hard I try to tell myself to be confident and kick off the idea that others look down on you. Oh why?
The holidays just seem to get more interesting...but I fear the year to come. Even though it might just be the 'Os' but I am grappling with more than the results. It would be a year that tests on my grit, will and... optimisn??? Oh depression, why do you always shroud me in a mist?

2004-10-29T11:55:00.000+08:00

Poof! What a great way it was to end the school term with repeated spasms of cramps that sent me crying out in agony. I often experience mild ones but this time it has caused me to sit in the school toilet from 6.30 to 7.00am. Even though it was not the diarhoea type of stomach-ache but I simply need the quiteness of the toilet to seek from momentary reliefs. However, it didn't go away and I decided to try method 2: medicated oil. No one brought medicated oil to school so one of my kind-hearted classmate offered to accompany me to look for my form-teacher in search for medicated oil. I was feeling rather drained out from the pain and was walking at sloth pace, desperately hoping the oil would work. To no avail, she in not in school yet (it's already 7.15am) so decided to ask my physics teachers (mr tan) instead since he happened to be standing outside the staff room door. Even though he does not have medicated oil too but he was helpful enough to try asking from the other teachers. And hooray! madam rina was my saviour even though the medicated oil did not "cure" my cramps but it brought me momentary relief. However, the cramps still keep coming back, hence another classmate suggest I drink some hot water but the canteen stalls were closed so we decided to go to the office. In the end, I ended up in the sick bay and the clerk gave me this rubber bag filled with hot water to press on my stomach. It was soothing. : ) She even poured me hot water and this technique does work well. I stayed in the sickbay for about 45 minutes and during which I slept for some time. I just felt so drowsy, too exhausted from "squeezing"my stomach? Anyway, I would like to express my heartfelt appreciation to teachers who had popped in to enquire about my condition. It really was not life-threatening (ok this sounds too exaggerating) but I was touched by their kind gesture. A simliar incident also happened last year and I wonder if it is an annual occurenece I have to experience? I simply hate cramps and stomach-aches! A sheer number of 13 people had showed kindness and concern during my "ordeal" and I am so glad to realize that humanity still exist in this world. Thank you so much and I apologise for the trouble but all of you have made my feel so much better! Thank you!

2004-10-18T22:43:00.000+08:00

Just finished writing a 1500 word essay on anti-semitism, it's for the commonwealth essay writing competition. Then, all of a sudden, a flash of recollections on the people I have met rolled across my mind. Some were pretty short but worthy of remebrance. I would say it changed me. It is perculair though but relationships with people do confuse me. However, it has also turned very troubling and not a pleasant issue to handle. I wish to forget about certain past memories but sometimes people form your past memory just popped out in front of you. Then, it jsut becomes a situation where you are forced to admit that you have existed then. So much about forgetting. Memories are a stigma that would attach to you forever, it is just a matter of letting go but it becomes extremely tiresome.
A day comes and goes, what am I to expect tomorrow is beyond my prediciton. Whether, I like it or not, I would just have to accept my fate? So what is fate? Isn't it just a term like luck? I find it purely descriptive, nothing of a prophecy. Oh... the silence of the night is defeaning but at the same time comforting.

A Distress Call

2004-10-13T17:11:00.000+08:00

It has become very disturbing to constantly discover that the school's principal is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Now this may seem crude but it is absolutely true. This "verdict" has been established after I heard an account from my classmate who is a scholar from china:
The prinicipal gave this reason to explain why the scholars can't go back to china once school closes but have to stay in Singapore for a few weeks: "Why do you want to go back for such a long period of time? There is nothing to do and won't it be better if you stayed to attend more constructive English lessons?"
Hey, why can't she give them a BREAK? For so many months, they have been attending numerous extra English lessons so since it's the holidays, why stop them from going home? How would she know if there is noting to do, that is only her own perception. Even if there was nothing to do, I am quite sure they would be happy to be back home with their family and friends. They would feel so much more belonged in a familiar surrounding. In Singapore, they would be stuck in their hostels because there is nowhere to go. Moreover, they are very restricted in the hostels. They have fixed time when lights would be out, when they have to study from 7.30-9.00 (can't do anything else) and they strict matrons who would scold them if they disobeyed the rules. Therefore, won't it be so much better to be back home when one has more freedom and to be pampered by your family. Moreover, they have often expressed their wish to go home, they even do a countdown. How can the principal be so inhumane? They have worked hard so let them go!
Secondly, we were being filmed for something, most probably a video for publicity purposes to promote our school? Anyway, they were filming flag raising this morning and it is a norm when students don't sing out and the principal had to stress that we are being filmed and hence make sure we sing properly and make sure our uniform is tidy. However, this is such a fake potrayal and while we were singing, she was putting on this very fake forceful smile that looked extremely hideous. Please show the truth rather than deceiving the audience of this video. If it is a publicity material to attract sec one students next year, I implore her not to give them a rude shock when they discover the truth. How can a school be so perfect? They even filmed students coming to school, walking in two straight rows. Oh please, everyone knows this is so untrue, why would students stream in two straight rows when we are entering the school gate? Won't it be much better to show the hustle and bustle, to show the vibrancy?
If the school had the reputation, we need not go to such extent to project crescent as the choice of schools you would include in your list. Unfortunately, being under the reins of such a hypocritical principal would not make life in crescent particularly pleasant. Many a times, there is a lot of prejudice going on.
You could think I am presenting a one-sided view but you're not wrong. However, I just wish to present the uglier side because I think it as being more impactful. There are pros and cons but since the title is "A Distress Call", only cons are noted.

2004-10-10T08:55:00.000+08:00

Feeling exceptionally queer and pertubed with my feelings. Despite the end of exams and a renewal of my time, there is just this sense of monotony. It certainly is ironic because the time after exams is much looked forward to but now as the time comes, I still feel rather dull. Well, it could be the fact that life after exams is still going to be life before exams. Academic pursuits would never end. This is just a list of what we have to cover by sec three so even though it's after exams, lesson still continue:
A Maths: Circular Measure, Permutation and Probability
Biology: Homeostasis
Chemistry: the whole chapter on "Periodic Table"
Physics: Thermal properties
E Maths: Cumulative Frequency
Why are we so behind time??? Oh well...
School's holding a "mooncake festival" celebration on friday, but is there a point when it is already two weeks after the actual day of zhong qiu jie?
Currently reading "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde, an interesting read which explores the corrosion and split of one's soul. How very true that we are often leading double lives...

2004-09-25T19:01:00.000+08:00

my dolly that is fading

The eye

2004-09-25T18:42:00.000+08:00

Recently, it daunts on me that the eye is the most skeptical organ of our body. Just as the phrase goes, "the eye tells everything". Being targeted by others through their skeptical look is certainly hurting, insulting and irritating. Are they aware that just a fixed hard stare that lasts for less than a second could create a lasting impression on the person being viewed at? Are they also aware that the person is aware of what is going on and the person is not foolish to not understand the hidden meaning behind that look? Forget about wearing shades, it could be easily seen through if we focused our sight at. The eye though "small" is certainly full of powress. It can never hide itself and hence the most "honest organ" too. The intensity of the eye is still to live, is still to continue but aren't we all guilty of the crime of stares? However, the eye is still a friend becasue it opens up facts.